Things I Wish I Knew Five Years Ago

Okay so like most people, I think I’ve got the worst things to deal with in life. At 19, I feel like I’ve seen the darker side of everything there is to see. If only I wasn’t a naive bumbling idiot a few years ago, I probably could have prevented all that heartache, anguish, incessant whining and desperate need for acceptance.

#1 Friends are not forever

“OMG we’re gonna live in the same street when we’ve grown up, if not the same house. And our houses will be connected with a slide and it will look faaab. And we’ll marry our bosses (who will obviously be billionaires) after a long scandalous affair. And we’ll host the best parties and and…”

Every kid has dreams of having one person by their side forEVER. But not everybody is as lucky as Harry, Ron and Hermione. We don’t meet spiffingly amazing people without wading through all the dicks first. We don’t have picture-perfect friendships. We don’t fall in love with best friends we’ve known since childhood. Face it, people change. YOU change. Things fizzle out, shit happens. Then a day comes when you look back and think about all the things you should have said. You probably even lament the new set of friends you have now, because they’re nowhere near as good as the ones you’ve had. But life goes on, the cycle repeats, friends keep changing (unless you’re bound by law OR debt). God forbid you become overly attached and then things go for a toss. So all in all, be open to meeting new people and making new friends.

Overly attached girlfriend – level 69

#2 Crying IS the answer to everything

So you’ve had the most terrible day of your life. You can’t even talk to someone about it because it’s so tough to explain and/or it’s embarrassing as fuck. DON’T effing think you’re some superhuman super-sponge who can just absorb all that despair and keep going about their business as usual, because you CAN’T. You will shrivel up and you will become a wreck, and your hair will start falling. Best solution is to find a nice spot (preferably secluded and with tissues at hand), man up and let out ALL that emotional build up in a torrent of salty wetness. Then when you realise you care about how badger-like you must be looking, you should stop crying, get up and tell yourself “I feel sooo much better, I must not forget to share that brilliant blogpost which suggested I should cry it out.”


#3 Never depend on gadgets

I can’t even begin to emphasise how I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T these lifesavers are. Most of the things you do all day mostly/completely involve these brilliant inventions. BUT. If they bail out on you, and more often than not they do, the emotional upheaval is too much to cope with (refer earlier post titled ‘My World On A Fingernail Sized Piece Of Plastic‘ ). So spare yourself all the trouble and alwaaays have a plan B. Back that shit up.

Use a paper and pen to jot down mega-important stuff (for those who don’t recall, a paper is a delightfully thin, flexible writing surface that you can fold up and stash anywhere). You should also make use of these cloud storage thingies, they’re definitely here to stay! Imagine, all your data hovering safely on a cloud somewhere far away, technology is something, eh?


#4 Never think your life has come to a standstill

Every time you think you’re bored, whack yourself and say “It’s all your fault.” Point at yourself angrily for extra effect.

Really. What’s stopping you from picking up that book you never finished? Or calling up that friend you haven’t spoken to in ages? Or picking at that scab you were too pussy to pick, for it might bleed? Or… you get my drift.

Do something! Give yourself a haircut, or join krav maga classes, or learn how to fix gadgets (THAT will help) or learn to sing your favorite song in a weird accent, or find out something new to get high on, or post snide comments on videos/forums/blogs/pages. Just don’t ever have nothing to do, it’ll make you dull as fuck.


#5 Mommy doesn’t know best

So what if adults have been there, done that? Nobody knows your situation better than you do! You might be more than a little confused about how to handle things at times, but don’t think that just because an older person has advised you to do something, it’ll be the best thing to do (most of the time, all hell breaks loose if you follow their advice, and obviously they never admit they were wrong). Talk it out with someone, listen to their opinion, and do whatever you think is correct. Because some very wise person said “Whatever you hear is an opinion, not a fact. Whatever you see is perspective, not the truth.”
Nobody’s a better judge of your situation than you are; have the courage to do what you want, and the strength to pick yourself up when you fall.


 #6 YouTube is the land of everything

You probably feel that most part of every day is super-daunting. Well, fear not! Help is always at hand, and someone’s already viewed and commented on it. Whatever your concern, whatever whatever WHATEVER, there’s a video for it. I mean, with the internet guys going crazy over water-skiing animals and food that bites you back, it can only mean that all the important stuff has already been covered. So get your ass off that chair and YouTube “people lazing around not doing anything”.

So that’s that, you guys. That’s all the wisdom I can pass on. I know you know all this, but it’s always nice for someone to place it in your lap, neatly wrapped and ribboned. Though I secretly hope that you don’t heed my words and end up screwing it up big time and post it online and give everyone a good laugh.

Love always! xx


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