There’s nothing in particular I’d like to write about, actually. But let me start with what happened yesterday.
One of my reeeally close friends from school met me yesterday, she’d been fighting tooth and nail to get some time off her schedule and see me. I picked her up, got her home, and waited for her to start talking, because her recent texts hinted she had LOTS to share. After the standard amount of small talk, she began asking me questions about my ‘desires’. I was really stumped, I mean, this girl, she’s ALWAYS been the prissy uptight I-won’t-disobey-my-parents goody two shoes for as long as I’ve known her. And I’ve known her for four long years (I’m 19, so four years is hella long). All of a sudden, she’s looking intently into my eyes and asking me libidinous questions. It’s like having yoga classes with Bin Laden. I obviously didn’t delve into the topic with her (O_O) but I got her talking about why she was asking me that. long story short, she said she found me ‘appealing’.
That’s when majorly awkward moment of my life #22 happened.
Oh Supreme One, what tests you put us through?
I’ve had sexuality doubts too, I honestly believe attraction knows no caste, color, creed OR sex. (Ddfinitely not sex). But I thought it was part of being a rebel teenager, one of the I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-society-and-its-taboos phases. I didn’t expect my friend of 4 years to drop a bomb like that. Apart from the superficial ego-boost I got (I was walking with a spring in my step for the next 95 minutes) (seriously, not every day you get to find out you’re appealing to BOTH sexes) (I’ve forgotten what I was saying -_-). Um.
Anyway. It really got me thinking. One thing, people change. They really do, at a cellular level. And it’s pretty alarming. One day, I’m feeling super awesome about myself because I’m the person I’ve always wanted to be. Next day I’m some tramp with no conscience! What we are, is an illusion? All that time and effort we spend in building a personality that we want, it’s all so fickle? And if something SO personal in nature, being what we are, is SO changeable, what about everything else in the Universe? We can’t even lay claim to anything apart from ourselves and we learn to live in a completely strange land, who’s basic, most fundamental nature is to be fleeting. If I were a something from another dimension, I’d be baffled by the disorderly order we get used to, and even take for granted (most of the time, hardly even contemplate). Haha, it reminds me of a Simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa go back in time and change the most insignificant things possible (like kicking a dead dragonfly et al). And when they return to the present, the changes are ridiculously extreme.
Makes you think about how delicate life is, right? And makes you marvel at how the Universe works, eh? The entire unending cosmos, and there’s SO many things that could go wrong (that ARE going wrong), and how each tiny incident could affect us. Like, you’re reading this right now, and irony of ironies, if an asteroid hurtles down on our tiny pea-like home.
Anyway. Balance of life aside. One more thing I learnt from my insightful friend: How similar we all are. We make such feel-good statements about how unique each one of us is (lmao, another irony), but in real, we’re all very, VERY much the same? Whoever we are, whatever we do, the fact that we’re all alive, breathing and mentally able is enough to connect all of us 7 billion homo sapiens. Take it as a vacation of the soul, they sometimes get bored in Nirvana, so they play holy Roulette and land up with a body (as customizable as a Sims character). They probably play a game of cards and choose a dimension, and off they go! Around 80 years of bleak vacationing (our world’s gotta be pathetic compared to where the souls reside), they return to their world.
Conclusion: Similar essence.
I’m currently in a post-dinner trance. It’s best if I babble to myself. Honestly, typing uses up a lot of brain RAM anyway, and babbling is a very tempting alternative. So I shall be stopping here, I hope I piqued your brain.
Stay true to yourself, never worry about what light others might see you in. At least you’ll have a knit of people who accept you for what you are.